Pat Robertson: “Haiti Earthquake From A Deal With The Devil”

There comes a time when I just have to discuss when a Christian says something really stupid in the media. Like the time James Dobson stated that the songs on Sponge Bob promote gay tolerance; or every time someone states that the end of the world is in ____ year.

A couple weeks ago, Pat Robertson put more fuel to the fire he is known for starting. In case you missed it, ROBERTSON IMPLIED that the January 12 EARTHQUAKE IN HAITI was tied to an 18th century PACT WITH THE DEVIL. During the slave rebellion of 1791, Voodoo priest Dutty Boukman performed a ceremony at Bois Caïman, apparently making a pact with the devil in exchange for victory over the French. According to Robertson, “the Devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.’”

Now the only thing good that actually came out of this idiotic implication is that he seemed to end that part of the conversation and move on toward rallying people to pray for and give to the people of Haiti. A spokesman for CBN later said that “Dr. Robertson never stated that the earthquake was God’s wrath.” But hey, I’m not here to beat-up on Pat Robertson…he does a pretty good job of that himself. The main reason to bring this up is to remind ourselves yet again how stupid and weird we look when we say things that have no place in the public conversation. It’s one thing for Robertson to wrestle with the sovereignty of God. It’s quite another to suggest he knows specifics about how the devil or God operates when it comes to natural disasters. I feel that he should add to his book, “Bring It On” (in which he answers questions people have asked him on the show, ‘700 club’—which is such an old person name for a show) a question that asks, “Is it possible for you to have any less of an idea of what you’re talking about?”

One thing is for sure though; there are accounts of people that saw firsthand the influence that Voodoo has on this nation. It’s difficult to ignore the link between their traditions and their deep-rooted fear. There are people who have witnessed the love of Jesus at work in the lives of hundreds of Haitian people…which is a true picture of what “church” can really be. If only we could grasp the faith that people unconstrained by the reality of poverty, living lives of drastic generosity have.

To suggest that Haiti’s extreme poverty or epic tragedy is a result of God or the devil is not for Pat or anyone to say. It is our responsibility to communicate the character of a loving God who calls us to care for orphans and widows, to feed the hungry, to welcome the stranger, clothe the naked, and look after the sick. Maybe next time he will talk about that instead of the crap the deuced out of his mouth. Because the love of God that’s being poured over all of the victims (who happen to somehow still see it as a blessing) is a story worth telling.

Sweet Uses for Coffee Filters

Coffee filters…Who knew! And you can buy 1,000 at Dollar Tree for almost nothing, even the large ones. So here we go, cool ways to save money by using coffee filters…even if you don’t drink coffee:

1. Cover bowls or dishes when cooking in the microwave.
2. Clean windows, mirrors, and chrome…they’re lint-free so they’ll leave windows streak-free.
3. Protect China by separating your good dishes with a coffee filter between each dish.
4. Filter a broken cork from wine. If you break the cork when opening a wine bottle, filter the wine through a coffee filter.
5. Protect a cast-iron skillet. Place a coffee filter in the skillet to absorb moisture and prevent rust.
6. Apply shoe polish.
7. Recycle frying oil. After frying, strain oil through a sifter lined with a coffee filter.
8. Weigh chopped foods. Place chopped ingredients in a coffee filter on a kitchen scale.
9. Hold tacos. Coffee filters make convenient wrappers for messy foods.
10. Prevent a Popsicle from dripping. Poke one or two holes in a coffee filter.
11. Put a few in a plate and put your fried bacon, french fries, chicken fingers, etc on them. It soaks out all the grease.
12. Use them for razor nicks.
13. Put baking soda into a coffee filter and insert into shoes or a closet to absorb or prevent odors.
14. Use them to strain soup stock and to tie fresh herbs in to put in soups and stews.
15. Use a coffee filter to prevent spilling when you add fluids to your car.
16. Use them as a spoon rest while cooking and clean up small counter spills.
17. Use them to wrap Christmas ornaments for storage.
18. Use them to remove fingernail polish when out of cotton balls.
19. Use as a disposable “snack bowl” for popcorn, chips, etc — ESPECIALLY WHEN TRAVELING!!!

So yeah, just some cool ways to save money on paper towels and other household items .

Nothing Sucks More Than…

• That moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
• Not having a “sarcasm” font.
• Folding a fitted sheet…how in the crap are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
• Realizing that learning cursive wasn’t really necessary.
• The fact that Map Quest doesn’t start their directions on #5.  I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
• Reading obituaries and realizing that they would be more interesting if they told you how the person died.
• The fact that I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
• Someone cutting you off on the interstate, then you catch up to them and give them a dirty look and tell them they’re “number 1”, then you speed off, only to end up stuck beside them in traffic for the next 30 minutes.
• That moment hits you at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
• Letting your puppy out when you get home from work, only to realize that he has decided to hold it in all day so that he can pee on the carpet as soon as you let him out.
• Exiting out of Word and it asks if you want to save any changes to your ten-page research paper that you swore you did not make any changes to.
• Reading a label that says, “Do not machine wash or tumble dry,” which basically means, “I will never wash this…ever.”
• When you just missed a call by the last ring (“Hello? Hello? CRAP!”), but when you immediately call back, it goes straight to voicemail. SERIOUSLY! What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone? Run away?…guess I’ll just text you…ohp, but wait, you don’t return my texts either…
• Leaving your house a little bit later than usual to go to work, feeling rushed, only to realize that your car is frozen.
• Deleting someone from your cell phone that you haven’t talked to in a long time, only to receive a text from a number you don’t remember that says, “Hey man! Haven’t talked to ya in a while! How are ya?”
• Country music…seriously.
• The fact that the freezer doesn’t have a light.
• Road kill that’s not picked up after a month of it sitting in the same spot.
• An inappropriate popup that shows up on the screen during a church service because you typed in the wrong website address.
• The Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana clothing line at Walmart…it looks like they skinned a zoo and sewed it all together. How do zebra rain boots match a pink, polka-dotted long-sleeve shirt with tiger gloves, with a brown flannel button down shirt on top?
• Other people driving in the rain.

Taco Bell Drive-thru DIEt

Ok, I’m sorry, but I had to blog about this idea that Taco Bell can help you lose weight. The pseudo-Mexican fast food chain (which never actually claims to be a Mexican restaurant) has a new infomercial starring a woman named Christine Dougherty, who says she lost 54 pounds on what the company calls the Drive-Thru Diet – a nickname for the seven items, including tacos and burritos, that the chain is offering, each with less than 9 grams of fat (allegedly…let’s not forget that saturated fats are just about as dangerous as trans fats—check my blog about Good Fats Bad Fats for more info on that).

Anyhoo, Christine’s story is a little skimpy on the details. She says in her statement and video that she reduced her total daily calorie intake by 500 calories to 1,250 calories by choosing Fresco items and “making other sensible choices.” What she DOESN’T tell you is how much of that was Fresco and how much was due to “sensible choices.” Pretty much the most notable difference between the regular and the Fresco tacos is replacing cheese with salsa.  This doesn’t make for a huge caloric difference between the Fresco menu items and their “regular” items. The Crunchy Taco Supreme is 200 calories; the Fresco version cuts that to 150. The Fresco burrito supreme with steak keeps it at 330 calories, while the normal version hits 380. That 50-calorie cut doesn’t even come close to cutting the 500 calories Christine said she dropped each day.

I’m guessing “other sensible choices,” such as eating carrots as a snack or holding the whipped cream on that caramel macchiato, had much more to do with Christine’s weight loss than the type of tacos that she ate. Also, the blurb on Christine is more loaded with disclaimers than an Ab Core Pro infomercial. The Drive-Thru Diet is “not a weight loss program,” Christine says, adding, “These results aren’t typical, but for me they were fantastic!” And in smaller print? Fresco is “not a low calorie food.” Haha, so basically, “We are lying, this food will not help you lose weight, but it will help us make more money because America is stupid.” This is the biggest infomercial lie since the Ronco Rotisserie proclaimed that you can “Set it and Forget it!”…yet the first thing you see in the instruction manual AND on the video that comes with it is a disclaimer in huge letters saying: “DO NOT SET IT AND FORGET IT! YOU WILL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!” Hahahahah, lovely.

So Taco Bell makes no claims as to its tacos’ special weight-loss capabilities. And since many major fast food chains now offer healthful options, Christine could have just as easily credited McDonald’s Southwest salad with chicken (320 calories) or Burger King’s veggie burger (420 calories). She could even have made that Subway sandwich a wrap to cut down on carbohydrates. When it comes to more health-conscious consumption, it doesn’t take a taco to start tracking your food’s energy content.

In any case, healthful eating should not be all about the calorie counting — consumers could theoretically cut their calories in half while on a steady diet of milkshakes and pizza. Maintaining a healthy diet also requires keeping track of vitamins and minerals, which come from a balanced intake of vegetables, fruits, nuts and other protein. But for Christine, the miracle Taco Bell weight loss wonder, she lost 54 pounds in TWO YEARS by choosing the low-fat “Fresco” menu items at Taco Bell in place of her old daily fast food choices. Which is very unsuccessful when you break it down because in 730 days, she could only lose 54 pounds?!

Now, what I do like is that the availability of fast food items has improved. But, most people hoping to be Christine will be very disappointed, just as most Jared wannabes are. These are people who made a dramatic commitment to lifestyle change, and simply relied on a particular source of convenience food as part of their way to cope with taste.

So, the Taco Bell Drive-thru diet…this is about as unbelievable as the time that story broke out about the Taco Bell in Travelers Rest, SC where a disgruntled ex-employee decided he would deuce up the meat (took a crap in the meat); and NO ONE could tell the difference, until a week later when tons of people got sick. That scares me that they couldn’t tell the difference from a normal Taco Bell burrito with meat, and a Taco Bell burrito with meat and turds. But who knows…maybe this diet actually works, I mean you eat enough Taco Bell, you’re going to get diarrhea of the butt and mouth…hence you lose 54 lbs. in two years…just like Christine .

Here’s what kind of bowel movement choices you can expect on the Taco Bell Drive-thru Diet:

NASA Bombs The Moon…

The AP reports that NASA’s LCROSS mission has successfully bombed the moon in the quest to find water in space. Yeah….so apparently NASA and the government think it’s an amazing idea to spend millions of dollars to find out if the moon has water by BOMBING IT. It’s a good thing we aren’t in an economic crisis or anything because that would mean that this idea is completely artarded…and yes I meant to say artarded, haha. Here’s the scoop:

NASA has successfully bulldozed two spacecraft into the moon’s south pole in a search for hidden ice. First a 2.2-ton empty rocket hull smacked the moon’s south pole. Then four minutes later the camera-and-instrument laden space probe made its death plunge. Take that, moon!…and economy :\

NASA officials touted loads of data from the probe and telescopes around the world and in orbit. But the crash photos and videos they offered at a morning news conference were few and showed little more than a fuzzy white flash. Still, NASA scientists were happy. “This is so cool,” said Jennifer Heldmann, coordinator for NASA’s observation campaign. “We’re thrilled.” “We saw a crater; we saw a flash, so something had to happen in between,” Colaprete said. The crater was the aftermath of the crash and the flash was the impact itself. “What matters for us is: What is the nature of the stuff that was kicked up going in?” said NASA project manager Dan Andrews. “All nine instruments were working fine and we received good data.” Andrews said the science team is pouring through the information to answer the big question: “Is there some form of water under the moon’s surface that was dislodged? It will probably be two weeks before scientists will be certain about the answer,” he said. “This is going to change the way we look at the moon,” NASA chief lunar scientist Michael Wargo said at the news conference. WELL NO DUH…idiot, of course it’s going to change the way we look at the moon…THERE’S A FLIPPIN HOLE IN IT NOW.

So the good thing about this is…next time we are in a drought we can count on the moon to supply all our water needs, ya know, once we spend millions again just to go up to it to find the water. I like the fact that the government won’t drill for oil in America, but they won’t hesitate to BOMB THE MOON. Well, on a lighter note, at least cheese didn’t explode everywhere into space when they bombed the moon . And space stuff is always kinda cool. Here’s the FUNNIEST PICTURE of the moon I’ve ever seen, haha:

Mother, Baby Resurrected During Childbirth

I saw this article in the news today, and I thought I should post it because it shows just how awesome God is and how much he can work in someone’s life…even when they don’t have one. Here’s what the article said:

Mike Hermanstorfer was clutching his pregnant wife’s hand when her life slipped away in a US hospital on Christmas Eve, and then he cradled his newborn son’s limp, dead body seconds after a medical team delivered the baby by Caesarean section.

Minutes later he saw his son come to life in his arms under the feverish attention of doctors, and soon he learned his wife had inexplicably come back to life.

“My legs went out from underneath me,” Hermanstorfer said on Tuesday. “I had everything in the world taken from me, and in an hour and a half I had everything given to me.”

Hermanstorfer’s wife, Tracy, went into cardiac arrest and stopped breathing during labor on Thursday, said Dr Stephanie Martin, a maternal fetal medicine specialist at Memorial Hospital in Colorado Springs, Colorado, where the Hermanstorfers had gone for the birth of their son.

“She had no signs of life. No heartbeat, no blood pressure, she wasn’t breathing,” said Martin, who had rushed to Hermanstorfer’s room to help. “The baby was, it was basically limp, with a very slow heart rate.”
After their miraculous recovery, both mother and the baby, named Coltyn, appear healthy with no signs of problems, Martin said.

She said she cannot explain the mother’s cardiac arrest or the recovery. “We did a thorough evaluation and can’t find anything that explains why this happened,” she said. Mike Hermanstorfer credits “the hand of God”.
“We are both believers … but this right here, even a nonbeliever – you explain to me how this happened. There is no other explanation,” he said. Asked about divine intervention, Martin said, “Wherever I can get the help, I’ll take it.”

Tracy Hermanstorfer, 33, was getting prepped for childbirth at the hospital on Thursday morning and her 37-year-old husband was by her side when she began to feel sleepy and laid back in her bed. “She literally stopped breathing and her heart stopped,” her husband said.  Pandemonium erupted as doctors and nurses tried to revive her with chest compressions and a breathing tube, but nothing worked. “I was holding her hand when we realized she was gone,” Hermanstorfer said. “My entire life just rolled out.”
Doctors told him, “We’re going to take your son out now. We have been unable to revive her and we’re going to take your son out,” he recalled.

After the Caesarean section, some of the team rushed his wife to the operating room while the others attended to Coltyn. “They hand him to me, he’s absolutely lifeless,” Hermanstorfer said. The doctors went to work on Coltyn as Hermanstorfer held him, and soon he began to breathe. “His life began in my hands,” Hermanstorfer said. “That’s a feeling like none other. Life actually began in the palm of my hands.”

Martin said Tracy Hermanstorfer’s pulse returned even before she was wheeled out of the room and into surgery. She estimates Hermanstorfer had no heartbeat for about four minutes. Hermanstorfer remembers getting sleepy and closing her eyes in her hospital bed, then awakening in the intensive care unit.
Friends have asked if she saw a light or had other experiences described by others who have survived near-death experiences, but she didn’t. “I just felt like I was asleep,” she said. When doctors told her what happened, “I’m like, ‘Holy cow, was it that bad? Wow.”‘

On Monday the Hermanstorfers returned to their home in Security, just outside Colorado Springs, south of Denver. Both Mike and Tracy Hermanstorfer worry that she might have a recurrence. Martin said she can’t offer the Hermanstorfers much advice because she doesn’t know what caused the original problem.
On Tuesday, the couple celebrated a delayed Christmas with their three-year-old son Kanyen and Tracy Hermanstorfer’s 11-year-old son, Austin, from her previous marriage.

She plans to tell Coltyn about his birth when he’s old enough to understand. “I’ll tell him everything … that he’s my miracle baby. That he had a tough time coming into this world, that he’s my miracle baby and he’s still here with us,” she said. She said Austin is worried and confused but the experience is improving his already-close relationship with Mike Hermanstorfer, his stepfather. Kanyen doesn’t understand much except that doctors had to work on his mom in the hospital, she said. His reaction was, “OK, we got the baby, let’s go home now.”

Imagine that…a miracle child born on Christmas. Kind of reminds me of someone…oh yeah, Jesus! God reveals himself in numerous ways, but I can’t imagine a better way to show himself to this family than the way he did. My only question is: how many times are doctors going to have to say, “This makes no sense. How can they be healed?” before they realize that God is the real healer? All I know is that God works miracles, whether it’s through a doctor or not, God is awesome, and he heals us no matter what the outcome is!

“Jesus Murders Santa” Display

Ho, Ho, Ho-snap this is ridiculous!!! So get this, a guy in California decides that he want to add to his holiday decorations a display of Jesus and Santa. Sounds reasonable right? Well, this guy has a different idea. In his decorations, Jesus is holding a shotgun over the dead body of Santa Claus…indicating that Jesus murdered Santa. This is the most outrageous display of Jesus since that picture of Jesus and a man doing homosexual stuff to him surfaced.

The artist’s name is Ron Lake, and he says that it represents the commercialism of Christmas. Lake also says that his display is a work of art and open to interpretation. He said, “You can tell your kids and make it as if there’s a Santa Claus, and let them believe all that, but you can’t explain these things or ignore this thing. I don’t get it.” The controversial display went up on Monday, and since then multiple complaints have been filed with law enforcement trying to get the display removed. Neighbors want the display taken down, saying that there are children in the neighborhood and they find it disturbing. They were quoted saying, “I know its freedom of speech, but it’s pretty disturbing and there are lots of children, that’s our main concern.” Just outside of the chain link fence that separates the display from one of the main roads is a school bus stop. Neighbors say children walking to the bus stop see the traditional nativity scene, or Santa soaring through the skies and kicking back on a Harley Davidson. But then they see Jesus packing a double barrel shotgun bearing down on Santa.

Lake said, “Christmas is not about Santa, it’s about Jesus, not the Jesus as the killer with the shotgun, but come on there’s a little humor here, a little tragedy here.” I think that only tragedy here is this guy’s short-lived Christmas after a stunt like this. I mean he even says, “Christmas is…about Jesus, not the Jesus as the killer…”, then why the crap would you depict him as a murderer? There’s nothing funny about Jesus killing someone else, especially one that kids look up to. Maybe next year the same display can be put up; except Ron Lake will be lying on the ground, and the one holding the gun will be Rudolph, haha, awesome. What a noob. What do you think of this display?

Don’t Get Caught With Your Pants Down

Man, so it’s been a while since I blogged, and I am feeling a little deprived right now of my online technological thoughts; but I had to stop today and blog about this topic…and for the most part, this blog is for the guys. There’s nothing worse than being caught with your pants down, and unfortunately, this happens all too often with people in the public eye. Whether it’s a student at school, or a celebrity, or a teacher, or even a pastor; we all need to make sure we keep it in the pants. Now we all know how funny it is when a kid at school gets shanked and he’s left standing there with nothing but a shirt and his underneefy bits for all to see. However, the topic I’m talking about today refers to how lust and its traps can defeat us and place a terrible reputation at our hands. The worst part about it is that Satan will use this to our disadvantage and “shank” us of our joy; which is exactly why God listed the “belt of truth” as the first piece of armor we must put on to combat the enemy.

We are all in a fight (2 Corinthians 10:3-6), and we all know that the enemy will attack us at any direction possible…and the most vulnerable part to attack is of course the junk. The Bible says in Ephesians 6:14, “Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth…” Even in the time period Ephesians 6 was written, Romans wore very thick and shielded belts to guard what was definitely most precious to them. When preparing for battle the belt would be the first piece of protective equipment put on by a soldier. It clung closely to the soldier and shielded some of the most vulnerable areas of the body. We all know a shot to the “junkular” would take any man down. So yeah, they knew what was up. It was a leather belt with an apron that hung in front of the Soldiers groin & lower abdomen. Small brass plates were attached to the apron to provide the greatest protection. However, even the greatest of fighters could fall from not being spiritually protected in this area.

Two of the greatest fighters in the Bible were David & Samson. David fought lions, bears, Goliath…but when it came to running from sexual temptation, well let’s just say he forgot to put a belt on to keep his pants from falling down. If you read in 2 Samuel 11:1-5 David purposefully got to a place where he could make wrong decisions, and of course, he got caught with his pants down…leading to murder and adultery. Samson found a similar fate in Judges.

The belt is the first piece of armor we put on because it’s the first place the enemy will attack us! We have to learn to fight this enemy with truth! SERIOUSLY! He’s going to throw a lie at you, and you will gladly drop the drawers until you get caught. Satan will smack us with:

You can go to that website and it won’t hurt anything.
You can go to that channel and nobody will know?
What’s it really matter?
You can talk to that girl at the office, what’s the BIG DEAL?

We need to learn to fight in this area! Stand UP and say that I’m not going to allow this temptation to beat me! You can’t run with your pants down, and you definitely can’t fight with your pants down! So man up! Pull em up! And please, spend time each day putting a belt on so that you get caught with your pants down and your tenders all hangin out.

“Help, Church!!!”

USA Today is reporting that people are going to the church for help in record numbers. Spiritual, financial, and physical pleas for help are flooding U.S. churches, from tiny congregations to megachurches, as people react to how the recession is treating them. Pastors say they’re giving out funds in record numbers, increasing ministries to the unemployed and the financially fearful, even reaching into their own pockets more to help. The survey, by LifeWay Research, finds that 40% of pastors say they have church members out of work, and 37% say their church has increased spending to help the needy. Nearly two in three pastors (62%) report more people from outside their church asking for help, and nearly a third (31%) see more such requests from church members, according to a survey of 1,000 Protestant pastors.

The good news? More people are lending a hand to help those who are less fortunate than them; and the reason they are helping may not be what you think. Of course many are helping out because they want to help others and see them prosper and be healthy; but on top of that, the good news is most of the people lending a hand are doing so because they are beginning to believe in a blessing that comes from helping others. Sound selfish? Let me explain…

This is good news because people are leaning more towards the promises of God and are SEEING lives change as a result of their hospitality. As a result of people who are far from God lending a hand, they are starting to believe in Jesus and how he can take the worst situation and make it a blessing, all because you helped another out. So it may sound selfish that people are lending a hand just to receive a blessing, but what I say is…the fact that they are lending a hand will GIVE THEM NO CHOICE but to receive a blessing because they will see Jesus working through them as they help others; and once you see a life changed by something you did…you WILL receive a blessing because your life will be changed. SO, people helping people for the sake of unity and finding prosperity in life is a good thing because it leads people who would otherwise NEVER go to church to find purpose in what feels like a purposeless time; find richness in a richless time; and find life in a dying time. These people find life, happiness, and Jesus…by the way this is GOOD NEWS!!!

It’s a better time than ever to make an economic impact with your church. How is your church helping out when times are tough?

Student Ministry Names That Suck

Many student ministries don’t have an original name, but are pretty much just named after the home church, such as Eagleville Bible Church Student ministry or First Baptist Student ministry. These types of student ministry names are functional and identify the affiliate church, but they can tend to be bland and non-creative…which doesn’t make sense to me when we have THE most creative mind in the history of time on our side (God). Groups may be named in this manner simply as a matter of tradition or for the sake of simplicity…but usually for the sake of laziness, which leads to suckidity…yup, I even had to make up a name for how bad it gets, haha.

Coming up with a unique, original name for a student ministry, however, should be the alternative student ministers turn to in their church. Unique names can be a fun way to identify the students and may be enticing to others in the community. One of a kind names can also be a great way for the group to stand our rather than blending in. Fun phrases, tasteful humor, and purpose-based names can all make a big impact. Acronyms are also very popular for student ministries, because these can combine dual aspects; a serious purpose driven message or church affiliation combined with the fun and uniqueness and the accompanying initials…unfortunately, this tends to be a sucky name for a student ministry. For example:

• A-TEAM–Abraham Team
• A.2.J.–Addicted 2 Jesus
• W.A.Y–What About YOUth
• A.B.L.E.–Always Believing in the Lord
• A.A.A.–Affiliated with Annointed Angels
• A.C.C.–Atmosphere Changers for Christ
• A.C.E.–Accept Christ Everyday
• A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.S.–Awesome. Cool. Relevant. Owesome. Name. Youth. Ministrie. S.

Ok, that’s enough, haha, and trust me, that last one is NOT a typo…it just sucks that bad! So bad that they couldn’t even come up with a word that started with “S”.

There are many ways to come up with a great student ministry title. Inspiration can come from songs, passages of scripture, favorite verses, books, Christian humor, or revisiting slogans and phrases from pop culture and turning them into an original youth name. Unfortunately, they tend to suck because they just rip off major brand names. I don’t even need examples because we’ve all seen the horror the t-shirts have…scarrier than a geriatric va-jay-jay.

And, of course, the KING of all student ministry names that suck: ANYTHING HAVING TO DO WITH WATER!!! Why does it suck more than a vaccuum? Because it has been used sooooooo much that it has “watered down” the coolness of student ministry. Yes, it’s so bad that I had to implement a terrible pun to describe it. For example:

• H.2.O.–Hope 2 Offer
• H.2.O.–Here To Overcome
• H.2.O.–His To Own
• Living Water
• Saturate
• Water of Life

Ok, that’s good. So student ministers, when you’re thinking of a name for your ministry; please pick something awesome, dynamic, and non-sucky .